What do you do when you lose many seats in elections that you expected to win? You do some rethink and evalaute your poll strategies,right? Wrong,….., wrong,that is if you are a Mayawati.

If you are the Behenji of the Dalits, their only source of hope and succor, then you go on a virtual rampage…….after all protection of the rights of the downtrodden is no small matter.

In the first few hours after the less than happy poll result you sulk and blame the Muslims first.Even though you do couch your words in a little bit of nicety by saying,’hamare Muslim bhaiyon ne haamara saath nahin diya’ but you still sound as if you would love nothing better than to wring the collective Muslim neck.

Then you in one sweep transfer/move/fire the PSU heads, who were your party cronies and had been awarded these posts as political rewards………(Mughal khatam ho gaye,angrez chaley gaye but hamari baksheesh aur jagirdaari ki riwayat abhi kayam hai.)

Then next you scowl on TV and try and put on a brave face (even if it comes across as more angry than brave) and read out numbers to show how actually your vote share has increased even if you did not win too many seats. You try and not talk about the ‘discovering India Rahul Baba’ because as it turned out he seems to have actually been rewarded by U.P folks for his efforts to reconnect with them.Guess the Dalits in whose homes he ate/slept found more empathy in him than in your pink silks and blings that were supposed to light the aspirational fire in them.

As the days pass by and the UPA in Delhi does not really do an excited somersault at your offer of ‘unconditional’ support you look inwards again and find newer people to blame.This time you pick upon IAS officers(District Magistrates and a Comissioner too) to blame.You transfer 13 of them at one go, mostly from constituencies where your party lost seats. What else is this intelligent, creamy layer of the babudom for if not to campaign for you,arm twist locals (voters and donors) on your behalf and ensure your victory…..?

Does all this upset me? Not at all. I am actually looking forward to Maya Madam digging a bit more of a garve for the ultimate demise of BSP in the next assembly elections. I no longer live in dread of having her as our blingy,shiny Prime Minister. I do not have to cringe at her parochial and almost inane commentary on foreign affairs (that is when she talks of anything other than her famous engineering skills). The Brahmins are already drifting away towards the Congress and the BJP, the Muslims are also looking at other options, the people she is axeing indiscriminately are going to be another future resentment pool and the Dalits too will ultimately see through her statue building ways…..

Yes, her rise to power was dramatic and yes she could have been a constructive role model for the less empowered. But that could only have happened had she chosen to do something other than award posts and threaten and transfer those who did not seem to be working 100% to ensure her win.

Yes, she could have given India her Obamaesque moment but it was not to be….she rode to power on the vote of the dispossessed and then herself became possessed of the ‘junoon’ to amass wealth, property, jewellery, build memorial parks with aethetically disturbing statues…….she could have been( and may still be if she changes her game plan) the Dalit Queen  and the first Dalit PM but right now she is looking more like a tantrumy matron than a mature politician.

P.S: I fear that next the Madam might wreak vengeance on the hapless Dalits who let Rahul Baba eat and sleep under their roofs.Its all their fault for supping with the Delhi bloke who is still discovering India at the age of 39. After all she is the one who is supposed to do social engineering by getting the Brahmins and the Dalits to meet in common forums (where they still eat seperately, I am told). How dare these mere Dalits (her vote banks) do engineering on their own. Hrrmpf ,Grrrr

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Who’s that in the bed and with whom?

Usually to get my fill of the dirt on other people’s personal lives, their relationships, sex-capades and associated stuff like break ups and divorces, I turn to Page 3 of our national newspapers (that of late have begun to look like that ‘rang biranga’ Rs. 1 wala paper selling at traffic signals.) Then when the urge gets more salacious there is the good old Shobha Di (errr, De). She can pep up any sagging morale/libido/curiosity (take your pick).

But the dirt that I am going to dish out and unleash upon you poor readers comes straight from the pages of a respected financial daily that gets delivered to my home one day late ( but which tastes great just like a left over roti…..baasi roti in Punjabi).

Elections are around the corner and I expected the revved up activity in and around the ministerial bungalows, party head quarters and in every nook and cranny of the country where an air- conditioned SUV or a helicopter can take the politicians (sorry those are the minimum conditions that have to be met if you want to see a neta in your gaon, kalony or mohalla). But what I am going to write about is happening mostly in the bedrooms……….bedrooms of the political type, I mean. This is going to be a long post but blame that on the promiscuous politicos………why kill the messenger?( If you do,then you won’t get part 2 of this post).

Let me start with the Maratha supremo Shared Power. For long the north has been accused of not giving due recognition to the Maratha lands so I am going to course correct and go to Maharashtra. Our Power man here has suddenly had such a staggering amount of suitors at his door that he has ditched his (enforced) monogamy with Congress/UPA and is on the verge of jumping into bed with BJP and the Sena. He however is not as yet ready to leave the cozy environs of the Congress/UPA bed totally because frankly who wants to be left without a mate?

Politics is a strange monster and today’s swayamvar’s belle could turn out to be tomorrow’s wall flower………so there is our strong man with a leg (pardon the raunchy language) in each bed. He will ultimately canoodle with the one who promises to argue the case for a Maratha candidate (I wonder who he could be rooting for) for the PM’s post.

Politics is a weird game and Sharad P has gone to the extent of saying that he has no problems/issues with Bal Thackeray…it is only his ideology that is unpalatable. Excuse me! Isn’t politics about ideology rather than about your NBFs ( New Best Friend ,for the uninitiated)? We don’t care how ‘wonderful a human being’ the ageing saffron tiger is……..
Next let’s go to the Third Front formation . This ménage- a –trois (actually a lot more than that…….a near harem, if you ask me) has surfaced again and again around election time. They create enough head aches for the two main parties and then when results are out they get down to their main business of horse trading. This time too there are the usual suspects; the left parties, the Gowda brigade, Naidu (IT) uncle and other assorted regional satraps. The one playing hard to get is Naveen Patnaik of Orissa who has just concluded an acrimonious divorce with the BJP and is now looking for the next suitable marital bed. The Left has done more than make eyes at him and heavy flirting is on but Naveen is not giving away anything, not even a blush. I don’t think this front itself knows who is sleeping with whom.
Mayawati behen, of the heera moti and pink salwar kameez fame, is the one with 80+ seats (UP’s share in Lok sabha) to bargain with and is not playing ball with anyone until they ‘crown’ her as the Prime Ministerial candidate. So there are no bedroom capers here. I am sorry to disappoint but she remains staunchly single(for the moment ,that is).

There is of course the little matter of the bouquets that the handsome Karat has been sending Ms. Mayawati. No, he is not gifting her red roses. He has gifted away a whole government bungalow to Madam. The story is that Madam coveted this one bungalow on Gurudwara Rakab Ganj road because it was next to her Party’s headquarters. Well this one was with a CPM member from Tamil Nadu and Karat is reported to have nudged the Tamil gentleman out of the house and Madam threw a big dinner party in her new house for all her obliging friends. Don’t ask for more details…….yeh ghar ki baat hai.
The last one on this post is Rajnath Singh.The RSS noise about Brahmcharya seems to have got to him in a very big way and he is on the war path (with his own party). He has single handedly thrown out a lot of old and potential allies out of the BJP bed and if BJP’s tally goes down this election we will all know who the garrulous saas was who threw all the bahus out of the house.

The latest reports suggest that Arun Jaitely did not approve of this Brahamcharya binge (we will go it alone route) just before the polls and has been consequently absent from all major meetings. Well Rajnath may gain the moral high ground of celibacy by going the ‘no relationships’ way but the BJP sure is on slippery ground with nary a spouse in sight to lend a hand in these troubled times.

P.S: There are more amorous capers to report from other corners of the land of Kamasutra.Let me know, after reading this post, if you want more of this ‘political porn’ (never thought I would peddle porn one day).

That time of the year is coming closer….Madam’s birthday. No, this is not a reference to Sonia Gandhi but to our own Behenji -wanting -to -turn –Madam, Mayawati. If you cringed last year on seeing senior police officials and state bureaucrats giggling nervously and feeding (stuffing is a more fitting description of the act) the pink clad, Mayawati chunks of birthday cake then there is worse in store this year.

 Back then she preened and smiled for the cameras, clearly reveling in the ‘naked’ power she wields in the, politically, most powerful state of India. This year the Madam will for sure repeat her act but before that in an unexpected preview, the Madam has been spotted on television looking visibly irritated and angry.

The reason is that just as her birthday celebration plans and the accompanying fund-raisers were rolling along smoothly one PWD executive engineer by the name of Manoj Kumar Gupta has gone and died a brutal death. Worse still the ‘cunning’ media in ‘connivance’ with Madam’s opponents are harassing Madam at every press conference and public appearance asking her to explain the connection between Manoj’s death and her ‘fund raising’ drive. No matter how many times she explains that there is no connection the media refuses to let go of the matter. The people of Auraiya (the unfortunate Manoj’s home town) are also not ‘behaving’ themselves and are busy protesting on the streets and burning down buses and public property.

What happened in Auraiya (Manoj’s death by torture and beating, allegedly by the Bahujan Samaj Party MLA Shekhar Tiwari and his men) was bound to happen sooner or later given the political legitimacy that Mayawati has been giving, over the years, to the questionable practice of the collection of funds for her and her party. She has openly said at public meetings that people must contribute for her on her birthday. She did try and make this sound more politically correct by saying that the people must see her birthday as a day of fund collection for the Bahujan Samaj Party.

In possibly the most naked expression of personal greed, on a public platform, Mayawati even went on record once saying that she had used the millions that her impoverished fellow citizen’s had ‘contributed’ to her to buy two palatial bungalows for herself in Lucknow and Delhi!

Her collection drives work through her network of party legislators and workers who divide territories between themselves and then fan out to extort money from business people, government servants and anyone else they can pressurize. Targets are given to usually unwilling donors and they are threatened with dire consequences if the ‘birthday party’ targets are not met. Most cough up and live to see another day. Some do not, and end up dead like engineer Manoj Kumar Gupta of Auraiya.

is no one to take on Mayawati’s open corruption in Uttar Pradesh because the state sends so many M.Ps to the Lok Sabha that any party that gets on her wrong side is bound to suffer when the time comes around for cobbling together a coalition government. This is how coalition politics works in our country. If the government at the centre needs the collaboration of Mulayam Singh then all corruption charges against him are dismissed and if it is Mayawati whose political allegiance is being sought then she gets a clean chit. And thus the ‘musical chairs’ of corruption continues birthday after birthday in the state.

 So while the common man and woman in the state continues to suffer on every parameter from education, health, infrastructure to socio economic development a certain oversized, pink clad, diamond ‘encrusted’, Barbie will have another expensive birthday bash soon. As she childishly blows out the candles this year she is unlikely to spare a thought for the life that her party men extinguished and the light that went out in one Auraiya household. Happy (bloody) Birthday, Madam.

 P.S: The accused Shekhar Tiwari is a MLA who even before this incident has 14 criminal charges against him !!!

Links for details: http://www.nerve.in/tags:shekhar+tiwari