Indian elections are usually a time for worrying….we worry about the possible violence,the further increase in rifts along regional,religious and caste lines and we worry about the paucity of credible candidates and viable ideolgies to vote for.

But this mammoth exercise of electoral rights also brings out its own brand of humor and I share something that came to me in an email.


Subject:  Political  Parties and their Symbols

Q: Why is the  Samajwadi  Party’s symbol ‘Cycle’?
A: Because after a ban on  English and use of computers, that’s all we’ll be able to  afford
Q: Why is the Congress  party’s symbol ‘Hand’?
A: To remind Indians that our  fate is forever in the hand of one family
Q: Why  is  BJP Symbol ‘Lotus’?
A: Lotus is the symbol of Sarawasti  and learning. BJP will educate us through the wisdom of Varun Gandhi and  Pravin Togadia.
Q: Why is Mayawati’s  symbol ‘Elephant’?
A: It’s a self portrait.
Q: Why  is  Jayalalitha’s symbol ‘Two leaves’?
A: Because that’s  what remained after Amma ate up all the fruit
Q: Why  is  DMK’s symbol ‘Sun’?
A: So that Karunanidhi can justify  wearing shades indoors
Q: Why is Lalu’s symbol  ‘Laltain’?
A: Because there’s no electricity in Bihar
Q:  Why is CPM’s symbol  ‘Hammer and Sickle’?
A: Because that’s what you will be using if they  come to power
Q: Why is Sharad Pawar’s  symbol ‘Clock’?
A: Because his time never seems to come
Q:  Why is Shiv  Sena’s symbol ‘Bow and Arrow’?
A: I can tell you, but  then I’ll have to shoot you



I am working overtime to keep up with the peccadilloes of the netas of Bharat Mahan. I had barely had time to cover the straight relationships of this class when a blogger friend  told me that Laloo and Ram Vilas Paswan had just come out of the closet and were spotted holding hands publicly. Needless to say that Madam senior is miffed. Sonia ji had never doubted Laloo’s orientation (or maybe Laloo swings both ways).
And if the picture below is anything to go by these two are doing more than just holding hands. Ah, the first flush of a new love.Sigh!!
The CPI, CPM marriage though has just been saved by some serious relationship counseling(read: spousal abuse). The CPI has agreed to not wrestle the alliance to death over which candidate to field from the Ponani seat in Kerala. Many accusations flew back and forth and ultimately CPM’s less than subtle threat to ditch the wife (CPI) and go it alone,got the compromise hammered out. Bahut bartan khadka between Bengal and Kerala.
“Marry in haste repent at leisure” is a saying that is beginning to haunt Mulayam Singh Yadav. For reasons best known to him (love has no logic) he embraced Kalyan Singh even before the ink on Kalyan-BJP divorce deed had dried. Now caught between his old lovers (the Muslims) and his new love, he is beginning to rue his decision.Kalyan has done all the right things: looked suitably bridal, apologized to the former wives but this is one shaadi that seems destined to bring Mulayam a lot of pain going ahead.

The Muslim leaders are also in a bit of tizzy as Mulayam’s betrayal of their love has forced them to look for new partners.Some have ofcourse been courted by Mayawati’s BSP but some are still on the political version of basically it has not yet been the triple whammy of ‘Talaq,Talaq,Talaq’ yet.

Pss,psst……breaking news…..The much miffed and sulking Arun Jaitely has reportedly gone to meet the hulking Rajnath Singh to iron out thier near irreconciliable differences.The news is still trickling out but it seems Arun’s main demand remains…….end the torrid affair with the man with a dubious  past…..Sudhanshu Mittal. Rajnath Singh it seems will ahve to choose between his old and the new loves.Tough one,I must say.

Rajnath Singh and Arun Jaitley

BJP president Rajnath Singh while talking with Arun Jaitley in Delhi. (AFP)

This last one is a bit tricky one to report on……..its the case of an octagenarian politicians being given support by a Brhamcharini…….I think there is nothing but platonic love here so don’t lick your lips in anticipation(gosh what kind of imaginations do you all have?). The lady herself is using scary words like fulfilling ‘her Rashtra Dharma’ to explain her change of heart.

Uma Bharati finding herself in a political doldrum and facing a resource crunch ahead of the elections has decided to support L.K Advani in these elections. She is not merging her party with the BJP (just yet) but the first overtures are in place…………ho sakta hai rishta ban hi jaye. After all if the picture above is anything to go by they were ‘together’ once before too. 

Wink, wink,nudge ,nudge.  Karat has also (hesitantly and shyly) said this morning that his party might bed again with the Congress.Apparently,although the parting of ways had been very public and very bruising,….the quality of the earlier dalliance was so (s)exciting that they might jump right back together for some more of the ‘S ‘word………secularism bhai. (seriously all you people need to stop having such a one track mind)

Madam ji can now seek to lessen the pain of Laloo’s betrayal in the more urbane (though less funny) arms( uff, Comrade -in -arms, bhai log)  of the CPM man.

P.S: I am calling it a day now.Chapter closed on these less than kosher deeds of our leaders but nothing is cast in stone………..politics they say is the art of making the impossible, possible. So…………who knows when I might need to do a Shobha De again.

Who’s that in the bed and with whom?

Usually to get my fill of the dirt on other people’s personal lives, their relationships, sex-capades and associated stuff like break ups and divorces, I turn to Page 3 of our national newspapers (that of late have begun to look like that ‘rang biranga’ Rs. 1 wala paper selling at traffic signals.) Then when the urge gets more salacious there is the good old Shobha Di (errr, De). She can pep up any sagging morale/libido/curiosity (take your pick).

But the dirt that I am going to dish out and unleash upon you poor readers comes straight from the pages of a respected financial daily that gets delivered to my home one day late ( but which tastes great just like a left over roti…..baasi roti in Punjabi).

Elections are around the corner and I expected the revved up activity in and around the ministerial bungalows, party head quarters and in every nook and cranny of the country where an air- conditioned SUV or a helicopter can take the politicians (sorry those are the minimum conditions that have to be met if you want to see a neta in your gaon, kalony or mohalla). But what I am going to write about is happening mostly in the bedrooms……….bedrooms of the political type, I mean. This is going to be a long post but blame that on the promiscuous politicos………why kill the messenger?( If you do,then you won’t get part 2 of this post).

Let me start with the Maratha supremo Shared Power. For long the north has been accused of not giving due recognition to the Maratha lands so I am going to course correct and go to Maharashtra. Our Power man here has suddenly had such a staggering amount of suitors at his door that he has ditched his (enforced) monogamy with Congress/UPA and is on the verge of jumping into bed with BJP and the Sena. He however is not as yet ready to leave the cozy environs of the Congress/UPA bed totally because frankly who wants to be left without a mate?

Politics is a strange monster and today’s swayamvar’s belle could turn out to be tomorrow’s wall flower………so there is our strong man with a leg (pardon the raunchy language) in each bed. He will ultimately canoodle with the one who promises to argue the case for a Maratha candidate (I wonder who he could be rooting for) for the PM’s post.

Politics is a weird game and Sharad P has gone to the extent of saying that he has no problems/issues with Bal Thackeray…it is only his ideology that is unpalatable. Excuse me! Isn’t politics about ideology rather than about your NBFs ( New Best Friend ,for the uninitiated)? We don’t care how ‘wonderful a human being’ the ageing saffron tiger is……..
Next let’s go to the Third Front formation . This ménage- a –trois (actually a lot more than that…….a near harem, if you ask me) has surfaced again and again around election time. They create enough head aches for the two main parties and then when results are out they get down to their main business of horse trading. This time too there are the usual suspects; the left parties, the Gowda brigade, Naidu (IT) uncle and other assorted regional satraps. The one playing hard to get is Naveen Patnaik of Orissa who has just concluded an acrimonious divorce with the BJP and is now looking for the next suitable marital bed. The Left has done more than make eyes at him and heavy flirting is on but Naveen is not giving away anything, not even a blush. I don’t think this front itself knows who is sleeping with whom.
Mayawati behen, of the heera moti and pink salwar kameez fame, is the one with 80+ seats (UP’s share in Lok sabha) to bargain with and is not playing ball with anyone until they ‘crown’ her as the Prime Ministerial candidate. So there are no bedroom capers here. I am sorry to disappoint but she remains staunchly single(for the moment ,that is).

There is of course the little matter of the bouquets that the handsome Karat has been sending Ms. Mayawati. No, he is not gifting her red roses. He has gifted away a whole government bungalow to Madam. The story is that Madam coveted this one bungalow on Gurudwara Rakab Ganj road because it was next to her Party’s headquarters. Well this one was with a CPM member from Tamil Nadu and Karat is reported to have nudged the Tamil gentleman out of the house and Madam threw a big dinner party in her new house for all her obliging friends. Don’t ask for more details…….yeh ghar ki baat hai.
The last one on this post is Rajnath Singh.The RSS noise about Brahmcharya seems to have got to him in a very big way and he is on the war path (with his own party). He has single handedly thrown out a lot of old and potential allies out of the BJP bed and if BJP’s tally goes down this election we will all know who the garrulous saas was who threw all the bahus out of the house.

The latest reports suggest that Arun Jaitely did not approve of this Brahamcharya binge (we will go it alone route) just before the polls and has been consequently absent from all major meetings. Well Rajnath may gain the moral high ground of celibacy by going the ‘no relationships’ way but the BJP sure is on slippery ground with nary a spouse in sight to lend a hand in these troubled times.

P.S: There are more amorous capers to report from other corners of the land of Kamasutra.Let me know, after reading this post, if you want more of this ‘political porn’ (never thought I would peddle porn one day).